The Same Old Bullshit
by MyLittleJewMonster
Summary: It was the same shit all over again, but it wasn t like Kyle had any choice - right? Possibly, but he was still dragged into new schemes day out and day in, and this one was nothing new. Will contain Kyman.


**The Same Old Bullshit**

/

So this was supposed to be a one-shot but, I saw the potential in it and I decided to have some fun with it. It´s going to contain Kyman elements (as predicted)

\- but will basically be about the usual schemes Kyle gets pulled through

Enjoy!/

 **Chapter 1: The rescue mission**

Kyle´s POV

"CARTMAN!" The growl rang through the empty house, echoed by fast footsteps. "I KNOW YOU`RE HERE YOU ASSHOLE!"

Kyle was officially done. Finished. Finito Finale. D O N E. A few schemes here was one thing - but to /constantly/ have to deal with the sadistic prick? And always be targeted in a way or another? Couldn´t he do anything else than find new ways to piss him off?

Yes, just why was Kyle even dealing with his bullshit? It´d been what - 15 years? - and it was still the same old thing: Emotionally abuse - targeting - the victim - Cartman´s personal punching bag. easy to say, it was starting to tear on him. Now more than ever.

"It´s too late Kaaaahl~" A muffled, but oh so annoying, the reply could be heard from the basement. That´s can´t be good.

 **Like anything is ever good when it involves him...**

Without hesitation, he charged for the basement, roughly shaking the door handle. Locked.

"CARTMAN I SWEAR - IF YOU HURT HIM YOU`RE AS GOOD AS DEAD!" Kyle sneered, loud enough for the other to hear since it got a laugh out of him. Or maybe he was just closer to the door.

 _What an ass_

 _Of course, there´s a code - there´s ALWAYS a code. But why-why will he even do this? Sending me a screenshot of him torturing him... that - that monster - THAT FREAK - he´s toying with me again. If he thinks he´ll get away with this - he´s wrong. I´ll crush his Xbox - no - his computer too! I´ll BURN all the things he loves!_

Practically shaking in anger, he turned to the code box. He knew the combination - of course - he´d literally been handed it to easier get access to help him whenever the fatso needed help with his schemes. Or just 'needed a Jew to do the Accounting'

 **He never even got paid**

 _2508, Mr Kitty´s birthday. The most basic a code could be. But there wasn´t really a surprise - He loves that cat and all his other cats... All 13... Fuck what if the code is one of_ _ **their**_ _birthdays?!_

2-5-0-8

"Acess denied"

"You have to do better than that Jew!" The brunet commented

Kyle ignored the need to scream back at him and instead choose to focus on the task at hand. Kitty´s birthday wasn´t the correct code - he´d clearly changed it... but into what?

1-1-1-1

"Acess denied"

0-2-0-4

"Acess denied"

11 codes later, and the result was the same: Nothing

None of the codes was working - after ALL that thinking to remember the dates

Just

 **Nothing**

"Fucking - CARTMAN JUST TELL ME THE CODE!" He screamed, slamming on the door. It could be too late - fuck - it probably was. Who knew how long he´d used on this? Half an hour? Yes - it was definitely too late

"Think outside the box Kyle~"

"HOW THE FUCK AM I SUPPOSED TO DO THAT!? IT´S NOT LIKE YOU JUST CHANGED THE CODE TO 2-6-0-5 OR SO-"

"Acess accepted"

Hysterical laughter followed by footsteps could be heard from the other side of the door after the door unlocked. Though Kyle didn´t budge. Just stared at the code box.

 _26th of May - was he for real?_

"Of course..." He grumbled, clenching his fists before kicking the door open. Only a quick scan of the room was enough to notice the set up at the bottom of the stairs. He was still well and okay, by the looks of it at least. Tied up and hanging upside-down over a tub. The scent was enough to give off what substance was in the tub.

"Cartman..." He sneered, slowly walking down the stairs. "Let him go..."

"Hmmmmm..." The 'mastermind' behind this, was neatly seated on a throne by the tub. Mindlessly looking at the pair of scissors he was holding. "But what would I gain from letting him go Kyel? What would I gain from seeing you satisfied and happy?" He smirked.

 _Gross_

"Let. Him. Go." He repeated in a calm - almost too calm, voice. Stiffly moving towards him. Eyes cold and narrowed.

"My oh, my..." He smirked wider, pointing the scissors at the line keeping him up. "Be careful now Jew, we wouldn´t want anything... bad to happen..." He moved the scissors closer to the line, opening them slightly.

Kyle shook his head, speeding up once he started to approach him. At least until he saw the fatass holding the fully opened scissors over the rope. One chop and he was gone.

He completely stopped up.

The brunet hummed, clicking his tongue. "Just look at you - how pathetic. Willingly going through all this for /that/?" He pointed at the captive

 **His Ushanka**

"It´s not just a hat - It´s special to me." He muttered, pushing away some of his wild curls that were currently all over the place.

"So give it back before I break your legs."

"You´re too weak to harm my buff body." He scoffed, teasingly moving the scissors slightly close, then open again. "But there´s always one thing you can do to get your shitty hat back..." He mumbled thoughtfully.

"What."

He smirked. "Suck ma balls, Kyle."

Oh yeah there it is, the classic 'I´m so done with everything' look that Kyle shared with his mom.

 _Whatever, I can buy a new one_

Now without a reason to be careful, nothing was holding him back. He rushed the last few feet and docked him straight in his nose.

"OUCH fuCKING-" Cartman whined, taking his free hand up to cover his face. The impact causes him to chop over the rope, leading the hat to fall into the tub. Of cat pee.

"Don´t mess with me Cartman." He muttered, grabbing his collar to pull him up after it.

"Kyle Kyle! Relax - chill buddy! Bro. Fam. Man - Jew. Dude - chill! I was just joking - just a harmless joke-!" He brunet choked out, hands up in defence. "Just your old pal joking!"

"Well, my fist AGAINST YOUR FACE IS NOT A JOKE!" He growled, holding up his fist again, ready to throw a punch.

"KAHL - KAHL okay Kahl...listen, man...bro...fam...jew...Kike- OKAY NOT THAT - good buddy..." The brunet gulped at Kyle´s reaction to that. Oh, here we go again...

"Listen - my man... what-what if I told you I like, got a good secret, bro."

"Yeah of course you do..." The Redhead murmured, moving his fist back and starting to move in for the punch.

"WAIT NO - BRO IM NOT JOKING - like seriously, I got a good secret - something we could both have like, use for."

Cartman stated with a charming smirk.

That, as per usual, got the other´s attention, who seemed to calm down ever so slightly.

"Continue..."

 _Well - the harm had been done_

 _ **The same old bullshit**_


End file.
